How to swim

Here you’ll find a useful book
For taking to the beach
It’s something you can throw to folk
Who are drowning out of reach

Or maybe not so practical
As panicked people tend
To find that reading is a chore
When life’s about to end

Perhaps instead you could go out
To give a helping hand
Or call a lifeguard with a yell
If you can’t leave the sand

(And if it’s because you can’t swim
And that fact makes you cry
Then maybe you could read this book
While you’re still safe and dry

’cause if you’re struggling in the surf
With this book, you can bet
That reading it won’t be much fun…
The pages will be wet!)

~~~

Written for NaPoWriMo where the topic today is writing poems based on book covers

Fun Facts

fun fact: there was a knight in Arthur’s court
who always was amazed by all things new
he was quite shocked by all the martial sport
and even jumped because the sky was blue

his name has since become a household word
you know him even if you think you don’t
(this proves that etymology’s absurd) –
so please believe me (even though you won’t)

The knight I tell you of was named Sir Prized
and though I know my readers doubt this tale
the facts have all been checked and analyzed
they rank quite highly on the truth-ness scale

another fact that’s fun I have to share
I might have lied to you, so please beware!

~~

written for the early bird prompt for NaPoWriMo 2023

I might be a mutant

I may be a mutant, but you’d never know
there’s strange things about me that mostly don’t show
abilities: magical, mystical, rare
(or maybe those mutant-like skills are not there)

I’ve never shot laser beams out of my eye
my touch cannot freeze things, nor make them to fry
I’ve managed to fly (even once in the rain)
but each time I’ve flown it has been on a plane

I might be a mutant, I cannot be sure
and if I’m a mutant, there’s prob’ly no cure
I don’t think that I am contagious at least
(but what if I am? I might make you a beast!)

Is there a support group for those who like me
are likely not mutants, but still they might be
for those who can’t stretch to a mile in length
and do not possess super-human-like strength?

I might be a mutant, and you might be too
and we “might-be-mutants” in number are few
so can we agree to watch each other’s back
in case some non-mutant decides to attack?

Do you perhaps know of a way I can know
if I have mutations that maybe don’t show?
Then tell me the answer – (just think it out plain
I’ll find out the next time that I read your brain)

Pyramids

do
you think
that the pyramids
were constructed to make
us wonder about Egyptian technology
or would those ancient Egyptians engineers
wonder why modern technology isn’t more advanced?

It’s Cold Outside

It’s COLD outside! The Kelvin scale
shows minus twenty two
a scientist said “that can’t be!”
I swear though that it’s true!
I saw a polar bear out there
it’s fur had turned all blue
so I am gonna stay inside
that’s where I think that I will hide
(I couldn’t go out if I tried
the door is frozen too!)

~~

In the part of Canada where I live, we have been experiencing cold weather worse than any in the last hundred years or so. We’ve been hitting temperatures (including the wind chill) colder than -50 C (about -60 F)(OK…-22 K might be a slight exaggeration). With weather this cold, I need to turn to a bit of humour to “warm things up a bit”. Also, there are no polar bears in this area…but I’m pretty sure that if there were, they would be turning blue!

For those not familiar with the Kelvin Scale, it is a temperature rating system where 0 represents the coldest temperature theoretically possible (at 0 K, all atomic motion would stop), so minus 22 K is scientifically impossible

Renovation Blues

The reno guys are here again
To fix all they’ve done wrong
They’ve been here far too many times
I hate this dance and song
Each time they come I have the hope
“This time they’ll do it right”
But have the feeling in my gut
That I’ll still have to fight
For them to paint things properly
To fix each mess they’ve made
‘Cause so far every job they’ve done
Would get a failing grade
But maybe I’m to hard on them
Perhaps I shouldn’t grouse
They’ll do it right this time, I’m sure! …
…They just blew up the house…

Random Poetry…”At Montana’s”

At Montana’s™,
a poem on brown
paper is rash,
for at the end
of the meal,
the poem
ends up trash

~~

a bit of “random poetry” that I wrote today at Montana’s.  I always wonder if the people who work there ever read what is written on the brown paper “table cloth”, or if it just ends up in the trash can.

napowrimo 2018 – day 25

contents under pressure
be careful with this load
don’t bump or jostle, jar or jolt
or this jar might explode
don’t shake or rattle hit or bang
don’t place it under strain
my mind’s the thing that’s pressurized
so please don’t jounce my brain
but if you can, please, find the valve
that makes the pressure stop
please open it, ignore the hissssss…
it’s better than a POP

~~

our family has had a lot of things going on recently with our house. Today, one of those issues is (hopefully) going to be resolved…and hopefully will bring our stress level down at least a touch.
Written for the “warning labels” prompt at napowrimo.net

Napowrimo 2018 – day 15

BOWSER’S LAMENT

Why am I so misunderstood
And seen as foul by my foes?
I fight for love. Is that not good
I love my princess, goodness knows!

I’m but a lowly Koopa King
Don’t I deserve to woo Ms. Peach?
I’d give to her a lovely ring
But when I try, oh how she’ll screech

That Mario, Luigi too
Both try their best to keep me down
And though my love is just and true
Their med’ling causes me to frown

So when I see them on a romp
I’ll finish them with one big stomp!

~~

At napowrimo.net, the prompt today is to show the humanity of a villain, but also to show that they are still villainous.

Napowrimo 2018 – Day 3

At NaPoWriMo.net, we have been encouraged to make a list poem of “made up titles”. Here’s mine:

A List Poem of Imagined Movie Titles Based on Stuff Strewn Across My Desk

Adventure Pics like “My Blue Pen” are rarely ever shown
‘Cause most folk prefer comedies like “Staplers That I’ve Known”
“My Calculator Glows with Glee” is showing all this week:
(a foreign film with subtitles, but all the talk is Greek)
“Green Highlighter”: a thriller film will keep you up at night
but if you prefer romance, then see “Paper Sheets of White”
My fav’rite flick I’ve seen all year is “Six Line Telephone”
it is a documentary that stars one Sly Stallone
Of course, there is “My Desk’s a Mess” – a true biography
you wonder who it is about? Well clearly, it’s ’bout Me!