This haiku has too many lines

the paper pile
seems to grow no matter how
many pages I remove
empty coffee cup

~~

I started out to write a haiku (senryu?), but ended up with too many syllables. This is, therefore, a new form. I don’t speak Japanese, though, so I can’t name it.

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10 thoughts on “This haiku has too many lines

  1. Hi Bryan…I always live your coffee poems. I think this is a micro poem. There is no Japanese equivalent form so calling it micro suffices. There is no longer senryu either. But it makes me smile as do all of your coffee poems. You are the emperor of coffee poems!

    ..

    • I could quit drinking it any time…sure… (I was trying to do the 5/7/5 syllable count of a haiku, but ended up with 5/7/7/5…so I think it still has a bit of the feel, but definitely not the structure…

  2. Since you invented the form, you have the naming rights, but I would vote for ‘Ko-hi” which is coffee in Japanese. ~ Fellow Coffee Addict, Jilly
    By the way – I really dig this poem!

  3. Love it — especially the punch line. And in my opinion, if you create a new poetic form, so you have no need for a Japanese name. You — an American poet — have created the form — so give it an American name and write many more like it. After all, we Americans should not be stuck with cinquain being our only claim to fame where poetic forms are concerned. Give it a good old Yankee name and write about a hundred more, and your name will go down in the literary history textbooks.

      • Oh that’s right! I totally forgot. Okay, let me change my suggestion to the follow: Give it a Canadian name. After all, it’s a perfect 4,7,7,5 pattern of syllables, and I don’t remember any other form using that pattern. Of course, free verse is a universal generic basket, so it would fit there. But I still think it would be interesting to see you give it the distinction of a name and write a few more samples of the same. (Oooops, no rhyme intended.)

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