scent of smoke lingers
after the candle is snuffed –
a breeze plays with chimes
~~
Today at dVerse, the challenge was to write “death poems” in the manner of the Japanese Tanka. The idea of the death poem was not to be morbid, but instead, as a gift to those left behind.
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I really like this.. the smoke that lingers, a memory. I’m sure that afterwards we would really remember this moment in those chimes.
A lot said with few words, as usual. Whenever I see your link on the dVerse list I smile because I know I’ll find a poem worth reading. Peace, Linda
Beautifully done, Bryan. I like how your last line takes us in a new direction entirely with the breeze in the chimes. A lovely haiku/jisei.
Such beauty emerging from a simple choice of words, masterful.
This is amazing. The smoke and the chimes – this one gave me shivers because of it’s haimi….masterfully done.
please enlighten me…what is haimi?
it is delicate refinement….Ha! You are delicately refined! but truly, these you have submitted have that quality – in spades!
i Love the
smell of candles
for the dead in
Catholic Church..
i Live to Breathe
the Life
of
Candles
Lit.. and
as they
smoke i go
as following
trail for NOW..:)
Love the reference to the candle being snuffed. When I used to watch/pray with the dying, we would light a candle and then extinguish it after death.
I honestly hadn’t thought of that image when I wrote this. Thank you for giving my haiku even more depth than I had intended!
l love chimes..mingles with smoke is beautifully haunting.
Very subtle just as haiku should be ~ Love this line: a breeze plays with chimes ~
Subtle, brief, profound, dark beauty–all there in three carefully crafted lines. My mother died at 39, & the candle by her bed was extinguished with her last breath. There is a scene in CONAN, where his lover is dying; “Kiss me,” she said,” So that I can breathe my last into your mouth.” Always touches me to think of it.
Sounds positive to me.
Beautiful… how one would be remembered is indeed a fascinating thought.
This is very evocative. I can smell the snuffed candle, hear the chimes.
Beautiful blend of Eastern and Western traditions here – the candle, the chimes, and the feel of the haiku. Lovely!
This is a sublime jisei … beautifully written – I like it very much!
This is subtle and beautiful. Image of a candle works well here.
a peaceful end to a life – lovely
A delightful gift.