Actively Describing Inactivity

My bed invited me, and so
I slipped beneath the covers
and sleep wrapped me in its warm embrace
almost before my head impacted the pillow

I rejoiced in the difference
from the night before, when
Sleep had fled


at dVerse, Victoria has asked us to write in the active voice and avoid the passive voice.  Not something I am good at, as I tend towards passive voice in my writings…so a good exercise for me.  Not one of my best pieces, and I’m not entirely sure if I succeeded in staying fully active in my voice…so Victoria (or anyone else, for that matter), if you have any suggestions, I’d love to hear them!


16 thoughts on “Actively Describing Inactivity

  1. Nothing like a good night sleep, smiles ~ I like impacted the pillow, very forceful ~

    If you like more active verbs, I suggest – tugged or pulled or yanked or even gift-wrapped – 🙂

    Thanks for playing along ~

  2. May I suggest that if you have to write in the active voice, you slip on some trainers and a tracksuit when writing – it will get you in the mood – and when using passive voice I suggest you recline on a sofa and dictate the poem (that’s about as passive as it gets)

  3. You’ve selected some great verbs and definitely revealed the actor in this piece. I like it a lot. My only suggestion would be in the last to lines to change it to:

    from the night before,
    when Sleep fled

    I think this gives that last line a little more punch. Peace, Linda

  4. I like this, Bryan! When the bed invites, how can one refuse! And…it is so hard when one feels that sleep has fled. I had one of those nights last night, and it was NOT fun.

  5. ah nice… i love when sleep wraps its warm arms around me… such a difference to turning and tossing in bed in nights when sleep seems to flee…

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