Actively Describing Inactivity

My bed invited me, and so
I slipped beneath the covers
and sleep wrapped me in its warm embrace
almost before my head impacted the pillow

I rejoiced in the difference
from the night before, when
Sleep had fled

~~

at dVerse, Victoria has asked us to write in the active voice and avoid the passive voice.  Not something I am good at, as I tend towards passive voice in my writings…so a good exercise for me.  Not one of my best pieces, and I’m not entirely sure if I succeeded in staying fully active in my voice…so Victoria (or anyone else, for that matter), if you have any suggestions, I’d love to hear them!

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16 thoughts on “Actively Describing Inactivity

  1. Nothing like a good night sleep, smiles ~ I like impacted the pillow, very forceful ~

    If you like more active verbs, I suggest – tugged or pulled or yanked or even gift-wrapped – 🙂

    Thanks for playing along ~

  2. May I suggest that if you have to write in the active voice, you slip on some trainers and a tracksuit when writing – it will get you in the mood – and when using passive voice I suggest you recline on a sofa and dictate the poem (that’s about as passive as it gets)

  3. You’ve selected some great verbs and definitely revealed the actor in this piece. I like it a lot. My only suggestion would be in the last to lines to change it to:

    from the night before,
    when Sleep fled

    I think this gives that last line a little more punch. Peace, Linda

  4. I like this, Bryan! When the bed invites, how can one refuse! And…it is so hard when one feels that sleep has fled. I had one of those nights last night, and it was NOT fun.

  5. ah nice… i love when sleep wraps its warm arms around me… such a difference to turning and tossing in bed in nights when sleep seems to flee…

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