Jingle Bells – A Horse’s Perspective

“Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh”. I’m sure it’s easy for you to say, when you’re up there riding in the sleigh, but seriously, try to think of it from my perspective.  Yeah, I’m the one horse that has to pull this dang contraption.  So sit back and let me tell you my impression of that song:

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

Do you have to use bells when you harness me up to your sleigh?  That constant jangling is so close to my head, it gives me a massive headache every time you force me to pull that thing!

Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh

There’s nothing fun about being enslaved within a bunch of leather straps and then being forced to pull your sleigh, without even having another horse by my side to keep me company.  What’s wrong with a two-horse open sleigh anyway?  And speaking of open sleighs, could you maybe put a lid on that thing?  You humans are so noisy!  I already have a headache from the bells, your constant yapping sure isn’t helping!

Dashing through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh

The only reason that you’re dashing through the snow is that, if I go any slower, that accursed whip falls across my back.  I already have a headache, I don’t need a sore back too!  Although now that I think of it, my back does hurt from the strain of pulling your stupid sleigh.  Besides companionship, a second horse would certainly reduce the strain a bit!

O’er the hills we go

It’s enough of a pain pulling you on level terrain!  The strain becomes that much greater when we’re on an incline, and then on the declines, the weight of the load that I am pulling becomes a weight that is pushing me.  That’s not comfortable either!

Laughing all the way

Did I mention that I have a headache?  Be quiet already!!

Bells on bobtail ring

My tail is my pride, so bobbing my tail leaves me feeling rather embarrassed when I am able to spend time with others of my kind!

Making spirits bright

Embarrassing a horse and giving it a headache are the things that bring you joy in life?  What kind of sick, twisted creatures are you humans anyway?

What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight

Singing now?  Perhaps it wouldn’t be quite as bad if you could carry a tune in a bucket, but you can’t.  Oh, my poor head!

OK…I’ll admit, it’s not so bad at the end. I know that eventually, we’ll get back to the stable, and I always enjoy the hot mash and the nice rub-down, but perhaps on the next ride, you could choose the harness without the bells?

 

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