Why do elves get all the credit? Everyone talks about Santa and his elves making all the toys for all the good boys and girls in the world? Yeah, Santa is the Big Elf. Daddy Elf. His Elfship…whatever you want to call him…and yes, there are certainly a lot of elves up at the north pole too! But they’re just the ones in management. Hey! Yeah you! I know what you’re thinking! “So the elves are the smart ones, then?” Not quite. I told you that Santa is the The Big Elf…so of course the management is all elves. We’re talking nepotism here! It ain’t what you know, it’s who you know…or more importantly, who you’re related to. I don’t think there’s an elf on the planet that’s more distantly related to Santa than 3rd cousin twice removed…and with all that in-breeding, those elves aren’t even all that bright. So yeah, they’re in management.
Actually, that’s not such a bad thing. We let them think that they’re running the show, but really, that keeps them out of the way most of the time.
What annoys me, though, is that all the kids around the world get sooooooo excited about their elf-made toys. OK, to be fair, the elves make some of the toys. You know those toys that break within the first week after Christmas? Elf-made. Guaranteed.
We dwarves take a lot more pride in our work. We’re hard working and industrious. We make things to last.
Even the whole Santa and the reindeer thing…sure, Santa is in a sleigh, but it’s piloted by a dwarf. Santa couldn’t find his way out of his red suit if it weren’t for us dwarves. Yes, I said a sleigh, not the sleigh. Do you really think one guy can visit all the good boys and girls in a single night? There’s thousands of sleighs leaving from the Arctic alone on Christmas Eve…and those only cover the area above the 49th parallel. We have other depots hidden all over the world. But don’t tell Santa…he thinks he’s it. If he had a clue about geography, he’d realize that he’s never been anywhere where there’s no snow…and he’d also know that…well…that doesn’t cover even all of the northern hemisphere, let alone the whole world. I did mention that elves aren’t too bright, didn’t I?
Yep, we dwarves are tired of the elves getting all the credit. If not for us, about 50 kids would be getting presents on Christmas day (yes, Santa’s that naive – he has no clue how big the world is!)
As far as Santa keeping a list…that’s done by dwarves too. Santa can’t even read!
So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’d like some recognition given to some of the other toy makers, and not just elves.
Oh…and before I get accused of wanted all the glory for the dwarves, I need to say that there’s a lot of other people up here that help out too. We’ve got giants, trolls, a few hobbits, and even Gandalf makes an appearance from time to time!
So have a merry Christmas, and may your toys be made by someone other than an elf!