Always Read the Small Print…

Back cover of book we bought at Costco yesterday "I Love Saskatchewan"

Here’s a close-up of the small print.

For those of you who live in Saskatchewan (or even in Canada, for that matter), no explanation should be necessary.

For the rest of you:  note that Saskatchewan is a province in the western part of Canada, and Nova Scotia (second line from the end in the small print) is a province in the far eastern part of the country.  Also note the “Printed in China” line.

The authors of this book may love Saskatchewan…but not enough to have the research done here…or even have it printed anywhere near by.

Wild Geese…and My Adventures Today in Chasing Them.

Yeah, I know...these are DUCKS, not geese.

This morning at work, I was checking my emails, when I noticed one that had been forwarded to me by my wife.  The originating email had come from the registrar of the Scouts group with which I work.  Every 3 years, volunteers in our organization have to go to the police station and fill out form (or as I like to put it, we need to ask, “Am I a criminal?”)  This email was reminding me that I was due for my PRC (police records check), and would I please get it to her by Monday.

Oops.  I had completely forgotten about getting my PRC done.  Today is Friday, and Monday is a holiday in my province, so I knew that getting the PRC done on Monday would not be happening.

So I asked my boss if I could take an extended lunch-break to find out if I am a criminal.  My boss also wanted to know if he’s working with a psychopath (although he was polite enough to not say that), so he quickly agreed that my request would be possible.

When I was originally told to get a PRC done, I was given a letter from Scouts Canada stating that I am a volunteer with their organization. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the letter with me.  It was in our car…but I had taken the other car to work.  My wife goes out on Friday mornings, but is usually home by noon, so I decided to make the 20 minute drive to my home to retrieve the letter, drive 10 minutes to the police station, and then 30 minutes back to work…plus whatever time it took at the police station…needless to say, I’d be going over my 1/2 hr time-slot for lunch

About 3 blocks from home, I had a horrific thought:  ”What if my wife is out?”  I knew that if she had gone out for lunch with friends, the car (and therefore the letter from Scouts Canada) would not be home.  Sure enough, I pulled into our condo parking lot to see a vacant spot where the car should have been.  20 minutes wasted.

My wife and I rarely used our cell-phones, so a couple of years ago, we got rid of them altogether, so I had no way of knowing where she was, but I took a guess that she might still be at the Bible study she had been at that morning, so I made the 15 minute drive to the church.  No car.   A total of 35 minutes wasted.

Perhaps, I thought, I can get the PRC done without the letter.  So off to the police station I went…another 10 minute drive or so.  I went up to the Criminal Records department, grabbed a form and filled it out (about 5 minutes), then was told to sit outside until my turn to see the officer.  The wait was only about 5 minutes long, but it was still a wait.  55 minutes wasted.

My chat with the officer didn’t last long.  She looked at the form I handed her and she said, “Oh!  You’re with Scouts?  Do you have a letter?”  I told her that, no, the letter was in a car with my wife…somewhere.  She explained that the letter would cut the costs of having the record check done…and this cost reduction would be worth my time in bringing in the letter.  So she asked me to come back with the letter, on Tuesday.  60 minutes gone.

So I made the half-hour drive back to work…90 minutes wasted in all…and I hadn’t even eaten!  Needless to say, I’ll be late in handing in my PRC.

The Origin of Valentine’s Day

So today is Valentine’s Day.  Named in honour of some guy named “Saint” who had a thing for anatomically incorrect hearts (probably because he wasn’t much of an artist).

He had a son named Q. Pid (not a very cool name, but that was his name none-the-less).  He was only two years when his dad got the brilliant idea of plastering a set of fake wings onto Q’s  back and giving him a mini bow and arrow.  Probably not the greatest of ideas.

Q was only 2, and didn’t know better, so he started shooting people.  He shot one young lady, and a chivalrous young gent went to her aid.  Unfortunately, he got shot in the posterior end for his troubles.  Despite the pain-in-his-butt, he managed to save the young lady’s life.  This young couple ended up falling in love.  To this day, it is said that Q. Pid’s arrow will cause you to fall in love…but love has nothing to do with arrows.

The moral of the story is “Don’t give weapons to young children.”

(Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day)

An Alphabet of Things About Me

Thanks Jen Wilson for your last post and for giving me an easy way to do a blog article!

Here are 26 things about me.  Feel free to copy and paste the list and put in your own things about you!  Warning…I may have changed a few of the items to suit…ME!

A. Age: Usually I forget.  Honestly!  But when I do the math…um…I was born in 1973…and it’s 2012 now…but I haven’t had a birthday yet…so that would make me 38.

B. Bed size: Queen…but I only get roughly 1/3 of it as my wife and my 19 month old son share it with me.

C. Chore that you hate: Anything to do with cleaning the house.

D. Dogs: The best dog is a hotdog…cause they can’t bite you back.  Actually, I’ve only been bitten by a dog once.  Now I think that Cruella DeVille was the tragic hero of the story she’s featured in.  Guess what kind of dog bit me!!

E. Essential start to your day: forcing myself to get out of bed.

F. Favorite color: Black.  In Jen Wilson’s page, she wanted to say black, but was worried that somebody would say “black is a shade”.  But if you point to something black and say “what colour is this?”, the person you are asking will say “Black”.  They won’t say “That’s not a colour, it’s the shade ‘black’”…therefore, black IS SO a colour!  (I rest my case)

G. Gold or Silver: Not much.  There is some gold in my wedding ring, but I don’t possess much other than that.

H. Height: 6’2″

I. Instruments you play: Or in my case, instruments I used to play: Piano, trumpet, french horn

J. Jello: (I changed this one).  Any time that I make a top ten list, number 7 is Jell-O

K. Kids: Three.  All boys, 19 months, 6 years, 9 years.  All incredibly active

L. Live: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada.

M. Mother’s name: Mary.

N. Nicknames: Yes.  I give them to all my boys.  My favourite is for my middle son…pickle pie.

O. Overnight hospital stays: A few when my wife had given birth to sons #2&3…but never for myself…the closest I got was for my belly button surgery (hernia surgery), but that was day surgery

P. Pet peeves: Spellign errors.

Q. Quote from a book: (I changed this one to book from movie) “It must be Thursday”, said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer, “I never could get the hang of Thursdays” (from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams)

R. Right- or left-handed: Mostly right, but I find the left to come in handy too.

S. Siblings: Three older sisters

T. Tastes you do not like: Mushrooms.  Honestly, if we were meant to eat fungus, why don’t you eat the bread when it’s green and hairy?

U. Underwear: Under There!  Under wear??  Look!  It’s under THERE!!

V. Vegetable(s) you hate: Lima beans

W. What makes you run late: I blame my children…but it’s probably the difficulty I find in forcing myself out of bed in the mornings. (see “E” above)

X. X-Rays you’ve had: I’ve had a few, but the first I can remember was from when I fell off a bench that I was running along in gym class back in grade 7.  I fractured my left elbow and wrist, and sprained my right wrist

Y. Yummy food that you make: My culinary skills are limited, so I rely heavily on my wife.  She makes some AMAZING stuff!!

Z. Zoo animal: I’ll go with tiger, because I have a picture of one from our family trip to the Calgary Zoo back in 2009

Cow Ballet (and critique)

Ms. Cow: “Herr Horse, I would like to dance a ballet for you.”

Herr Horse:  ”OK, Ms. Cow, let’s see vat you have”

 

 

 

 

 

Ms Cow: “What do you think, Herr Horse, do I have talent?”

Herr Horse: “Neigh!”

 

Winnie the Pooh and the Dinosaur

Mr Dinosaur:  ”Mr. Pooh, may I have some honey?

Winnie the Pooh: “No!”

Mr. Gorilla:  ”Hey Winnie!  May I have some honey?”

Winnie the Pooh: “No!”

Mr. Dinosaur: “That Mr. Pooh sure is selfish!”

Mr. Gorilla: “Yeah.  Let’s teach him a lesson!

Mr. Dinosaur: “Should we kill and eat him?”

Mr. Gorilla: “Nah, let’s just rough him up a bit.”

Mr. Dinosaur: “That should teach him!!”

Mr. Gorilla: “That’s for sure, now let’s battle to the death to see who gets the honey!”

Mr. Really Big Bear:  ”Did somebody say honey?  Can I have it?”